Reflection before Meetng with the COD

It has been a long time since I have written my blog. Work, school, internship and life has been challenging, intense and joyful. In my peaceful quiet moments I often think, oh yes, that I should write about, that I should journal. I even have an outline with a friend for a book we will write together. So I sit here and I will begin to share my story in a series of posts. I begin here reflecting back on this year as a Postulant for Holy Orders in the Episcopal Church of the Diocese of Virginia.

As I sit here as the sun rises the day of my interview with the Committee on the Diaconate I reflect on my spiritual journey .  Every Postulants story is unique, special and personal. Why do I feel so nudged to share mine? I have learned over the years that God continues his everlasting and forever guiding hand in my life. So if he is nudging I will follow. Following has turned things upside down, gotten me in trouble, radically changed my life, and taken me to places I never imagined I would go. This journey and process  has been what God has needed it to be for my growth, reflection, peaks, valleys, wilderness and joys. I probably wouldn't have been able to say let alone comprehend that 8 years ago. I now have a voice and a strength that is developing and what is clear to me is that God is asking me to use it.

I entered Postulancy in the fall of 2014 after first ignoring my call for two years, doubting my call, then seriously discerning for a few years before formally entering the process.  

I have discovered that my life is like a braided rope with these three interconnected strands. Each strand representing a part of my life at this time: academic, spiritual and personal. Each strand using my gifts from God in different ways. Each strand discovering something new. When I shared this with the bishop she reminded me to stay attentive to keeping all three strands well bound and woven together.  If one was too become too dominant in my life, then he whole rope could become strained and unravel. “Let the spiritual and personal so balance the academic that it becomes yet another opportunity for joy.  And keep looking into the eyes of those you meet – friends and strangers alike – to see the image of God there.  That will keep you rooted and grounded more than almost anything else.”  These words and the image of the braided rope have been a reminder to me over and over during this time of my formation.

Deacon School has been both amazing, challenging and frustrating.  For me the weekends are woven with academics, camaraderie with my fellow classmates, worship, prayer and a lot of information. Each weekend leaves me wanted a do-over with all that I have soaked in so I can go deeper into discussion and study. Each school weekend leaves me excited to apply what I am learning and exhausted at the same time.

My studies have created a hunger and thirst to know, understand and share more. There is a space developing within me where God’s story is deepening my story. God’s story is our story. I am part of the ongoing story of God reconciling the world to itself and the divine. I am invited to participate in the greatest story ever lived, to stand beside Abraham and Sarah, Peter, Mary, and Martha as participants in the unfolding plan of God. As a deacon intern I have been able to invite people into God’s story, to see themselves and their own lives as the story of the people of God – God’s disciples.

I don't always get it right. I make mistakes. I sometimes have to redo an exegesis, I sometimes get my bible story chronology confused. Thank God that I have this great book to read and study and I have a homiletics professor who will read my sermons before I would totally confuse a congregation. He gently guides, critiques and encourages me. I sing off key-I am really awful and I still do try to make a joyful noise. I am certain that this deacon will never be invited to sing the Exsultet at the Easter Vigil! I have spilled wine, cried at funerals, weddings, baptisms and during a sermon. I have seen children die and ask God why - while trusting and believing in the resurrection. I sometimes have a potty mouth, giggle with the children and youth or get stumped  by their questions. I sometimes get frustrated and impatient with the process and the church.  If I am really honest I have at times put a paper, service or meeting before my family. And that strains and family and marriage. Communication is key all the way around.  God loves me as I navigate through all of this and continues to say "Follow me".  My family loves me as I navigate through all of this.

My deacon internship  is a blessing. It is filled with love, learning and challenges.   I observe and experience that our community is hearing by the prompting of the Spirit scripture’s call to be missional – living the gospel- living and sharing God’s actions in the world by meeting people where they are. Together we explore through worship, fellowship, and ministry the priority of the gospel, loving one another as Jesus loves us, while respecting the dignity of every human being. I continue to learn and be blessed by the power of presence especially in my role at our Spanish speaking service (I do not speak Spanish and what I have learned is rough). Together with the spirit and this amazing community we are present to each other and experience the gift of community. We are vulnerable together, suffer together, celebrate together and share in the mystery of God’s powerful love and presence together.

There are some significant moments during Postulancy that continue to shape and affirm my call.

I saw Church on Ash Wednesday in the ministry of “Ashes to Go” as I organized and represented the Church. I saw Church here in Loudoun County in a unique way that day.  Four  Episcopal church communities:  St. David’s; St. Francis Korean/McLean; St. Gabriel’s and St. James came together to share tradition, history and scripture meeting people where they are on their faith journey to pause in their day and reflect on this ancient ritual of faith shared with our ancestors of long ago. The people we encountered all day were of many faiths and ideas who paused in their moment of remembrance of why the ash symbol of the cross was important to them and their faith. Many were hustling during their morning commute, they were the hungry and cold sharing a hot meal at the shelter before they left for the day, people at the courthouse waiting to enter and have their cases heard, the cold and jobless at the day labor site, the young professionals at Starbucks, the sick and dying at the hospital, new life born at the hospital, preschool families and the 911 call center. Then in the evening we all celebrated Eucharist.  We celebrated Ash Wednesday service together. Sitting on the altar with clergy from both communities and a visiting deacon from Massachusetts I saw community. I have been witness to conversations in both communities of varying perspectives and tolerances. I have been witness to various socioeconomic realities and attitudes. I have been witness to prejudice and the peace that passes all understanding where controversies have been blessed with mutual understanding.  In this holy moment the video of the day played out so quickly in my mind paralleling with the ancient idea of a Christian community in Acts so long ago. This was birthed right before me this day. Sitting before me I saw and the Church. I saw our story in a current, relevant, radical welcoming way during this annual reminder of where our hearts can be in relation to God, and of the reason Jesus became our atonement.

I  co- lead a Lenten Bible/Book Study with a parishioner from another community using the book: Blessed is She: Living Lent with Mary. This study was held at a local café and brought together our brothers and sisters in Christ from four Episcopal Churches in the area, St. John’s Catholic Church in Leesburg in addition to the wider community. We met at Trinity Café’ in Leesburg and  at our first evening  were two men who stayed for our study who were both regulars at the café though not connected to a church. One man was homeless and one was not. They both became part of our weekly gathering.   Both men are looking for a connection and they now meet at the café and have coffee.  I am also working with our men’s group to reach out to them. What began as a gathering to share God through study was sharing God and living the gospel.  I now visit the café regularly meeting people and hearing their stories about life and their spiritual journey’s.

I have clearly heard the call from God to spend more time with him and rely on him more. I am an extrovert who is fed in worship and community. My prayer life is more contemplative and I find God in music. This shift is a welcomed peace This shift has been intentional and still a work in progress. The busyness of school, work, family, and my internship has strained and unraveled my braided rope at times and God is there. God weaves in and out of these strands bringing light to me.  He comforts, heals and sits in the fringe with me and slowly the healing takes place and once again the robe can be woven together again yet differently in God’s time. My formation continues and I trust this is all part of the process.  The joys and difficulties affect my ministry with a deeper lens of compassion, gentleness and boundaries.
What I have learned about myself is this year is that I am strong and faithful along with willing to let go of my own personal needs and desires which allows God to enter into me and work through me. As I open to change, I am open to understanding God in new and different ways, seeking to engage with God, I am able to hear God, to be guided by God, to move closer to God, and to be led to places beyond what I ever could have imagines weaving my spirituality, my ministry and my theology into a seamless whole.

God's call to me has radically interrupted my life. Like Mary, the first disciple, I pray that I remain open, free and trusting - surrendering to God's will.  I pray that I remain completely wiling to hear the words that go far beyond my own comprehension to seek clarification.

Today and always, “Let it be with me according to your word."

Namaste'
Maureen

A Letter to" My Elizabeth" on the Visitation

Today I will think about Mary and Elizabeth.  I will pray, reflect and feel that joy that radiated from their friendship. Their friendship shared the journey in a way that only that kind of friendship can understand. How blessed these women were to have each other. Today, on this day of the visitation, I thank God for Rev. Mary Kay, my Elizabeth.

I will never forget the day at Bertucci’s Restaurant years ago when you leaped with joy in your voice at the understanding that God was creating something new within me.  You shared that joy even before I knew the words. You bless me with holy conversations about how to handle God’s intention for me through this new life he is creating in me.

I thank you for these holy conversations -talking about God, sharing the journey  of  what God  is doing in my life as it soaks into the deep life giving  womb of my soul. These holy conversations teach me so much, blessing me with space to grow and develop through your encouragement, hand holding, kindred spirit and hard conversations.

Mary, the mother of Jesus, full of grace, has guided me my whole life, since my early days of elementary school. I didn’t know that her guiding would lead me to find my own Elizabeth .

I imagine in between the holy conversations that Mary and Elizabeth shared , there was ice cream and diet coke, laughter and tears, road trips, joking with one another about their albs making their butt look big, long conversations, and shared sacred silence. I bet they also wondered how their human, broken, loving  souls could possibly magnify the Lord with all the life stuff, the heartbreaks and the joys going on with them, their families and the world.  They wanted to please the Lord.  They trusted and had faith in God. They were strong, loving, amazing, faithful women.

Peace and blessings my friend on this day of the visitation, a day to remember Mary and Elizabeth and Mary’s words of the Magnificant.  Her words, are an invitation for us to strive to be instruments of peace, love and truth telling. God has brought down the powerful and has lifted up the lowly. God has and will continue to do so but needs us to be those vessels and to trust that we are those vessels so the Word can become flesh in us.

"And blessed is she who believed that there would be a fulfillment

                                   of what was spoken to her by the Lord."

With love and everlasting friendship,

Maureen

Matthew 28: 16-20 (Leisure World Sermon)

 When Jesus gathered the 11 disciples on the mountain top one phase of their life

together was ending, and another was about to begin.

The disciples had come a long way since those first days near the Sea of Galilee.

They had listened to Jesus and they had learned.  They came through tests
together, endured hardships , witnessed miracles and shared meals with one
another . Through their three years together, their lives had been changed, for the
better . Now, they were facing one of those significant transition points in life.
Saying good bye to what was familiar and to someone they love.

 

If we could have asked those disciples that day, I imagine that they would
rather have had Jesus stay with them.

Like so many of our launching-into-the-future stages and passages in life, this one
was surrounded with a sense of awe, mystery and I imagine some sadness. There
was something sacred about this time with Jesus.  His resurrection gave
understanding to new life in ways that the disciples couldn’t have imagined.

Beneath the surface of this revelation, "some doubted." That is what Matthew tells

us in the gospel today:

“When they saw him they worshipped him , but some doubted!"

Under the circumstances, the state of their hearts and souls may have  mixed with

awe, mystery, sadness, understanding and confusion - so  it is not surprising that
some doubted.  They probably doubted that they could make it on their own;
doubted that they were up to the task; doubted that their tight-knit group would
even stay together now that their leader was apparently taking his leave. Loving is
wonderful and loving is hard.

That kind of feeling is not uncommon. Imagine anticipating the arrival of that

special moment, that singular event when your life will take on a different
character, a different goal, a different setting and not always one of our choice or making. Sometimes we leave in our own time and way. Other times we are catapulted into the new horizon set forth for us and when we are about to leave those comfortable, familiar surroundings with their protective environment there is a bit of doubt in the back of your mind.

Jesus didn’t want the disciples to get too give into doubt or to get too comfortable. 
He always seems to pushing everyone out of their comfort zone. There was work
to do. Jesus told them that they weren't supposed to stay, either.  Jesus spoke the
words:

"Go, therefore and make disciples of all nations”.

The next part of his instructions echoed that baptism is not the end of becoming a

Christian. It is only the beginning of who we are all called to be in Christ.  Jesus 
entrusts the disciples to teach everything that he has commanded while reminding
the disciples that they were not alone that he is always with them.

 This story. The story of Jesus and the Great Commission is a story of keeping

promises. From the beginning, God enters into a covenant with humankind and
remains loyal to that bond, promising us that he is always with us. He is the - I am.

We are gathered here today as the covenant of Jesus in the promise of the

resurrection as disciples of Jesus. Jesus continues to ask us to accept  life
changes.  

It is Jesus who walks toward us reminding us that he is always with us, giving us

the courage to go forth.

We pray together for each other during these changes in our life asking God for  

the strength and courage to accept whatever he gives us always looking to God to
be our steadfast hope.

Just as our community of faith celebrates each changing season of the church year,

each of us experience seasons and cycles of our own lives. We all feel the
restrictions of our bodies that are changing every day. This gathering of
community connects us once again  to that very day on the mountain with the
disciples. God’s promises new life that we witnessed this Easter.

Throughout his life on earth, Jesus himself depended on the care of many around

him. He was nurtured by Mary, his mother; tended by women disciples; and
accompanied by twelve good friends. Angels sustained him in the wilderness and
God gave him strength often as he removed himself to pray.  Even at the end when
it seemed that he was abandoned , a man named Joseph shared his own tomb for
Jesus’ burial. 

As we move through life on earth, we are often dependent on others to support us,

to care for us and even do for us. Like Jesus we are nurtured, sustained, and
accompanied by friends.   It is the ministry of the love of Jesus which gives
us strength to both give of ourselves in this way and to receive that care with
graciousness and humility. 

When Jesus gathered the  disciples on the mountain top one phase of their life
together was complete, and another was about to begin. Jesus blessed the
disciples with courage to go forth out of  their comfort zone  How many times in
your life have you experienced completion and then having something new start?

The disciples had come a long way since those first days near the Sea of Galilee.

They had listened to Jesus and they had learned. Reflect on your own spiritual
Journey since your first days of listening ,learning and discovering your relationship with Jesus?

The disciples came through tests together, endured hardships , witnessed miracles

and shared meals with one another . Through their three years together, their lives
had been changed, for the better .

Haven’t we all come through tests together with Jesus, enduring hardships ,

witnessing miracles and sharing meals with one another?

Today we are on the mountain with Jesus . Our faith and trust in the promise of

Jesus always being with us gives us comfort , guiding us and  filling us with hope
to embrace the new life and experiences that we are blessed with. The is the
resurrection stretching out before us.

Jesus gave this care and love to his disciples graciously and with humility blessing

them to be a blessing to others, equipping them for ministry at each stage of their
lives, just as we are blessed and equipped today for what God asks of us in this
moment of our lives.

Each month when we share this time together at our Eucharist Service. We feed one another with love and compassion as our story continues to unfold as we go forth as resurrection disciples.

Tom and Jeanne.  Your special friendship blesses one another with companionship and care. Sharing your gift of music entertains and ministers to those who hear your sweet melody touching hearts in many ways.  Tom your reading and sharing of scripture is a testimony to your faithfulness. You continue to live the gospel in this way. Discipleship.

Tom and Eleanor.  Your wisdom, knowledge and kindness are gifts of the spirit that you share so lovingly. You continue to live the gospel in this way.  Discipleship.

John and Mary
Your devotion to one another and to God is an example of steadfast faithfulness and honoring the sacrament of marriage.You continue to live the gospel in this way. Discipleship.

Rose

Your independence and gentleness creates a welcoming presence of gracious hospitality. You continue to live the gospel in this way.  Discipleship.

Rev Mary Kay
You have been called as God’s servant to stand in his house and to serve at his altar. You are an instrument of God’s grace to the people, entrusted in your care. You continue to live the gospel in this way.  Discipleship.

Jesus equips us all with his enduring presence to go forth throughout each stage of

our lives as we are continually commissioned to teach and lead by example as
disciples, as conduits of his love and commandments.

Amen.

Matthew 13: 10-17 "Listening Hearts"

I want us to take a moment and close our eyes and just listen to the sounds around us on this beautiful summer day?
What do you hear?

Possibly the sound of nature outside: the birds ,
the gentle breeze?
The movement of paper?
The quiet?
The humming of the air conditioning?
The breath of the person next to you?

Our human ears hear many sounds in the language of everyday events, like the ones we hear today.

 nature and creation
 movement
 the gift of life
 the peace in quiet and stillness

There is a deeper kind of listening that results in spiritual understanding. This is listening with our hearts.

This is what Jesus was talking about in today’s gospel, listening with our hearts  
to the word of God. The Spirit of God lives in each of us and this living spirit blesses us with a spiritual connection to understand the parables and the teachings of Jesus. Jesus tells us:

      “ to you it has been given to know the secrets of the kingdom of heaven.”

“To you it has been given” is a big deal. This is a gift that Jesus freely gave to his disciples and to us.

Jesus was a great story teller. He was practical and he was smart.
Jesus uses parables in order to judge unbelief, as a fulfillment of the prophecy
of Isaiah, and to show forth the sheer grace of the gospel : To those who have some revelation, more revelation will be given.

 After many people began rejecting him as the Messaiah,
Jesus spoke in parables. He knew if he spoke directly he could have offended
 the leaders and been crucified almost immediately but by speaking in parables he could continue to instruct his followers who believed in his teachings , while at the same time  avoiding his opponents in parables, gave Jesus opportunities to illuminate the truth,
 not to hide it.

This is an important point . We need to remember that God is not trying to
make a relationship with Him  more difficult for us, he is not hiding from us . . .
He is present in all things  …in the good, the bad and the ugly.
He is here with us today.    

God is calling out to us to see if we can find him.  When we are open to the movement
 of the spirit,the message from God will become clear to us.

Jesus uses the ordinary in his parables ,

weeds

a Mustard seed

yeast

a hidden treasure

a pearl merchant

a fishing net

sheep and goats

a Samartian  

ordinary people and things revealing and doing extraordinary things.

Isn’t this what Jesus asks of us? To listen with our hearts to his word and let it

melt into every cell of our body, revealing what God intends it to, for each of us so

we too can live the gospel?
 

Sometimes it is hard to live the gospel when we may feel that God
 is far from us or we don’t understand what he is asking or doing
in our lives. It would be easier if God just gave us a straight answer instead
of what I call the gobbly gook…you know what I mean, the word and things
he asks of us that  sometimes challenge us, stretch us w-a-y out of our comfort zone  and confuse us.

Maybe things in your life have you confused right now.

Maybe you wonder if He cares, or if He even exists.

Jesus wants to help you find the truth/his love and promise through the
Word of God. He wants you to know that He loves you.

Does this mean life won't sometimes be confusing, frustrating and hard?  Not at all.

There are circumstances in life that challenge us and break our hearts.

the death of people we love

the breakup of relationships

a friend who hurts us

a child who doesn’t visit us as much as we would like
unexpected expenses that come like a tidal wave into our lives

illnesses and limitations that allow someone to exist but not to enjoy life

These things can baffle us, challenge us and break our hearts.  It is not that God

doesn't want us to understand, He does want us to understand . . . sometimes we

are unable to understand. We are unable to see the "big picture". We can't

comprehend what God is doing.

It is during these times that we must cling to God's track record, His character, and

His actions toward us in Christ, so he can work in our lives.  We must trust what

we do know and understand.   In that, in our faithful, loving, listening hearts God

will reveal more of his plan for our lives to us.

These words of  Mattthew’s gospel today also serve as a warning .  

It is possible to hear the truth, to listen to God’s Word , to hear God calling to us and yet ignore it.

It is possible to be surrounded with evidence yet refuse to acknowledge that evidence.  

It is possible to hear about the gospel all our lives and still not trust Christ.  

but when we embrace what Jesus tells us in today’s lesson:

 

“ to you it has been given to know the secrets of the kingdom of heaven.”

we truly are open to this spiritual connection with deep listening hearts and

we learn to trust rather than worry

we learn to forgive rather than resent

we learn to give rather than accumulate
we learn to serve rather than demand
we learn to laugh rather than grumble
we learn to love

If we keep listening with our hearts and seek to follow where He leads us, if we

keep seeking to understand what He tells us, we will see Jesus more clearly .

“Blesssed are your eyes, for they see and blessed are your ears, for they hear”

Amen.
 

         

Pentecost

Breathe.
Breathe in the breath of God.
Breathe in the breath of God and exhale peace.
Breathe in the breath of God and exhale love.
Breathe.

Scriptures tells us over and over how God breathes with us and through us. Genesis and the creation story tells us how God formed us and then breathed life into us. Ezekiel's vision of the valley of dry bones that come to life with new flesh and with the spirit that is breathed into them. The disciples in the upper room  were filled with  the Holy Spirit breathing upon them.

I love the story of Pentecost.

I love the reality of Pentecost.

The Holy Spirit , the breath and fire of life within us, among us and through us. We celebate this day, the birthday of the church, as a reminder of our responsibility and commissoin to go out in the world.  We no longer are  followers but leaders to preach and live the gospel in all that we do.

The Holy Spirit doesn't sit still.

The Holy Spirit is always moving and shaking things up... adding new life and new understanding to the depth of  our souls. God calls us to love. God calls us out of our comfort zone. God calls us to something new. God calls us to live with out fear.  God calls to dream his dream for us, for our communities and for the world.

That energy, that love and  that passion that lights up you soul is the transforming power of the Holy Spirit.
Can you feel it?

The following quote from SSJE explains it so well.

Blessed Pentecost!

Open yourself to the gift of the Spirit, whose power will enable you to live your baptismal vows with integrity and truth. Be agents of God’s love in the world, channels of God’s peace, bearers of God’s compassion to all you meet.

Dear John

Dear John,

Today we celebrate your birthday.

I celebrate you.
   You - my friend
   You - my husband
   You - my lover.
   You - the father of our children
   You - the fixer of all things
   You - the chef
   You - the practical ying in my sometimes not so practical yang
   You - my wine tasting bud
   You - my backyard sunset gazing companion
   You - who holds my heart

Across our vowed threshold lies a life that we have created together.
A life that is spacious and free to explore our individual  journey and our journey together. A life where we can challenge our choices, embrace them and love each other through them. This vowed threshold draws us deeper into our life together even if it unearths us, unmakes us, lays us bare, and creates us again...renewing and celebrating our life together until  eternity.

I thank God on this day for creating you and birthing the possibilities of your tomorrows.

Happy Birthday!
Love,
Maureen

March Liturgical Madness

        I often refer to Holy Week as "March Liturgical Madness".  I work at a church so my humor is justified and helps with what can be exhausting and sometimes frustrating preparation: deadlines not being met, printer jamming, internet crashing, preparing service bulletins with different music and readings, changes and there is always little drama too! Yet, it is a labor of love. Ask anyone who works at a chruch, they will say the same thing.

      Anyway, our March Madness bracket begins well before the start of Holy Week with preliminary prep beginning on Ash Wednesday extending through Lent. We read the stories. We hear the lessons. We worship. We serve.  We reflect. Lent is a time to work on our spiritual muscles.

     The Lenten journey is a time of spiritual growth and if we are lucky we move from one state of being to another, one point of view to another, or perhaps from one interpretation of life to another...one bracket to the next.  One can choose to sit on the side lines or one can choose to  participate. Participation is risky. You are wide open for things to happen. Your spirit is an open court . So, do you grab the ball and run with it? Or do you dance around with what is your truth only to get knocked down again because you weren't paying atention?

     Lent  is all about the journey.  We journey in Lent through Scripture that speaks to us, through songs that touch our despair or joy and lift us , through prayers that open coversation with God and/or rituals that bring comfort and understanding. Sometimes like Jesus we are in a wilderness all alone.  Sometimes we are in a wilderness within the crowd of our life. Either way we journey on.

     Then we arrive at Holy Week on Palm Sunday and it begins.  With trepedation we approach the final four: Maundy Thursday, Good Friday Tenebrae, Holy Saturday Easter Vigil and Easter Sunday. We know how the story will end but we have to go through the aches and pains; the misery, the hearbreaks and the joys. There is no other way. There is no other way to take up the cross and follow Jesus. There is a Cinderella story here too.  Jesus is that player, the underdog to many, who advanced much further than anyone anticipated.

    ( The term Cinderella story was used by Bill Murry in the 1980 hit movie Caddyshack where he pretends as the announcer to his own golf fantasy: "Cinderella story. Outta nowhere. A former greens keeper, now, about to become the Masters champion." )

     For Christians everywhere our Cinderella story is Jesus. Outta nowhere. A former carpenter, is our Saviour, our King, our champion!

     Slam dunk!